
Self-Discipline is a myth. Ok, maybe it’s not totally a myth, but I do think it gets more credit than it deserves. Taken to the extreme, the idea of a self-disciplined individual paints a picture of the man or woman that needs no help. Needs no direction. Can fend off hard days, bad moods, and dogsh*t circumstances with the sheer power of their mind. Many of us reading this show excellent discipline. Coming to the gym. Eating our protein. Drinking a glass of water and going to sleep rather than downing beers and staying up past midnight. But if you really analyze the reasons you are disciplined, is it only your mental strength pushing you to these habits? Or are there other external circumstances? I think the latter.
Of course, you should give yourself credit for your accomplishments. But I’d argue those most successful at achieving their goals are masters of placing guardrails on the edges of their road to success. These are different for all of us. Let’s take my wife, Tara. Financially conservative at her core, if Tara is paying for something, she’s making damn sure she gets every bit of her money’s worth. The same for many of us. For the financially conscious, simply knowing you are paying for a gym membership or body composition program drives you to utilize the service. Why? Because the pain of wasting money is greater to you than the discomfort of getting out of bed and going to the gym. It’s a positive habit with a personalized negative consequence.
Some of us may be motivated by our commitment to others. While my personal fitness journey was initially driven by a desire to improve at sports or be seen more favorably on the dating scene, nowadays I train for other reasons. I want every one of you to see me train, so I’m not all talk and no action. I want our team to see me train, so that they will also train and achieve their goals. And most importantly, I want my daughters to see me train, so that I can model the behaviors that will help them be successful. Sports ended long ago. I left the dating scene long ago. And after each of those ended, my “self-discipline” wavered.
I used to think that being motivated by the opinions or perceived judgement of others was wrong. After all, the messaging is always STOP CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU! There’s some undeniable use to that statement. But it depends on who the “others” are. In the wrong environments, surrounded by the wrong people, actively moving towards becoming the type of person you don’t want to become…you should definitely push back and break from that judgement. But what if you used judgement as a tool to enact positive change?
On Sunday you may be motivated to train 3 times this week. But on Wednesday at 4:30am, you certainly won’t be. If you’ve promised a friend to meet them at the gym, the likelihood you drag your butt out of bed increases drastically. Because you want to accomplish your goals? No. Because you value being a reliable human that doesn’t flake on your friends. A positive habit, backed up by a personalized negative consequence.
Once you realize how powerful this tool is, you can start to build guard rails around any goal. Want to create the habit of arriving at work early so you can get that promotion? Find a like-minded coworker and carpool. Or plan to meet them at work early. Want to start a writing habit? Give a friend a significant amount of money. If you don’t write and send them 500 words a day, they keep the money. Want to spend more quality time with your kid? Commit to an exciting event and tell them about it. I’m willing to bet the potential disappointment if you break that date will keep you to your goal.
I’m done with the warrior mindset. The self-motivated song and dance that people portray online to make you think they are strong. The warrior isn’t strong and courageous because they are a master of their mind. They are strong and courageous because they are protecting their family and their village. So this year, put up guardrails in your life. Negative peer pressure is a tool we can all use to get what we want. For we achieve not solely by chasing what we want, but also by running feverishly away from what we don’t.
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